Beyond Birth:
Views on Birth and Beyond
by Leah Day
While I was pregnant, I read almost every book I could get my hands on that agreed with my viewpoints on birth. That said, I didn’t waste much time on the books or advise I didn’t want. As you may imagine, this created a bubble around my thinking and expectations.
What were my views exactly? Well, here’s a list:1) In optimal conditions, birth can be a painless, spiritual act. If you do not fear the act of birth itself, then you may not experience the intensity as pain, and the experience may actually be pleasurable.
2) Giving birth at home under my terms and with my husband helping attend will be a bonding experience we will want to look back on for the rest of our lives.
3) Hospitalized, technocratic births are bad for the mother and baby.
4) Giving birth is no big deal -- you will be back to work in no time!I know my views were a little out of the ordinary, and I had women telling me during my whole pregnancy that I was in for a rude awakening. I have now given birth and can speak from the other side of the rainbow about each of these ideas.
1) Birth can be a painless, spiritual act.
Sorry, but no, birth was not painless for me. Fourteen hours of back labor was excruciating. At the end I was considering shooting myself in the head, but I decided that a better idea was to focus that energy in pushing out my son. I was never afraid, but the intensity of my contractions would certainly have scared someone who wasn’t prepared.
As for the spiritual side -- well, I can’t say it was all that spiritual either. Birth is like nothing else. At the time it seemed to take forever, like wading through a surreal dream, but looking back it is all just a blur.I think we're biologically meant to forget giving birth to ensure that we continue getting pregnant. I didn’t feel like more of a woman, or more connected to the world, or my husband, or my child. If anything I felt more detached. It was an act -- like passing a bowel movement or blowing your nose -- and should therefore be treated as such. It happens, it’s over, forget it.
2) Birth as a bonding experience.
Yes, my husband caught our son and we were brought closer by the experience, but the experience isn’t that black and white. The surges of emotion are just so intense that it could just as easily have torn us apart.
When you give birth in a hospital, you have a great number of people to blame if something doesn’t go the way you want. At home, you largely shoulder the responsibilty yourself.
When I gave birth, I tore. Vaginal tears are very commonplace and most birth stories I read mentioned them. But it’s one thing to hear “and I tore a bit” and quite another to experience the event yourself.3) Hospitals are bad.
A lot of people will think I'm crazy here. I encourage you to do your own research and make your own conclusions about the American infant and maternal mortality rates. The facts and statistics are guaranteed to startle you.
I still would NOT give birth in a hospital. I still would only give birth at home under my own terms. Home birth is a perfectly safe venue for delivering your child and statitistics from around the world --especially northern Europe -- back this up.
4) Birth is no big deal.
Whoa! It might sound really stupid, but this one took me by surprise. I had no idea it would take me two months to be feeling somewhat back to my old self again.
I’m a fairly physical person. I don’t exercise really, but when I think of a project that I want to do, like laying a new floor or mowing the lawn, I usually expect to be able to do it right then and there. Even during my pregnancy I didn’t let being big and bulky hinder me.
After giving birth, however, I was forced to spend almost three weeks in bed. When I did get up, it was a monumental effort. Even now with James two months old, a simple outing to the grocery store is a big deal. It doesn’t help that it's springtime and there are a ton of things I want to do outside. I have accepted that I won’t be able to do them this year and have refocused onto things that I can do.
As new mothers, I think we are all predisposed to naivety.
I read a lot and really prepared myself for my birth. Some women are comfortable not knowing the slightest thing about it.
I think that no matter what we do, it'll always be different than what we expected.
Regardless of how you view your birth or prepare yourself for labor, I do believe that women should have the freedom to choose where to give birth, who should assist them, and how they want to be treated.
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