How to Argue Effectively

If you're in a long-term relationship (married or not) and you're not arguing on occasion, you're in a rare and lofty situation and the rest of us in normal relationships congratulate you.

With that said, according to many experts every healthy relationships will engage in some arguing.

It's only when arguments turn dirty that they become potentially harmful, emotionally painful, and downright destructive.

Well, I have some guidelines for how to argue effectively that one of my newsletter readers sent in many years ago.

I predict you'll find these guidelines for arguing to be helpful in your relationships.

So, without further introduction, here are...

Five Tips for How to Argue Effectively

• Avoid all name-calling. Under no circumstances, no matter how angry you are, should you call your partner a nasty name. If you use the five second rule below, instead of calling your spouse an asshole or something worse, you'll be able to pick non-hurtful words appropriate to the argument.
  
  
• Know and use the five-second rule. Sadly, it's human nature to say ugly things without considering the consequences. So instead of acting human, pause and take a deep breath for up to five seconds before you react to whatever's been said that has lit your fuse. Use the five seconds to get control of yourself and to consider a ration response.
  
  
• Keep the argument in the now. It's human nature to dig into previous arguments or old hurts and to bring those up again. Doing this, as you well know if you've done it in the past, may be momentarily satisfying, but in the long run it'll only make the present argument worse. Also, if you bring up the past, you have a problem because it's obvious from this action that you didn't resolve that particular issue during a previous fight.
  
  
• Keep your anger under control and don't let it go ballistic. If you're about to blow your cork, do the smart thing and simply leave the room. Take a walk or practice some deep breathing exercises or drop to the floor and pump out ten push-ups to blow off the steam. But do NOT lose control of your anger while arguing.
  
  
• Argue and react with love. If you're arguing with your spouse, remember that you're supposed to be in love. That simple fact may be the last thing on your mind when you're fighting like two maniacs, but it should be the first so try to keep it in mind, especially when a disagreement appears to be escalating.

Well, that's it for tips for arguing effectively.

I don't know about you, but I'd love to live in utter peace and quiet all the time and without arguments, but, alas, I don't think most of us can do that without moving to a mountain cabin where we'd live completely alone in the middle of 25 acres

Chet "Argue Effectively" Day
Editor, The Natural Health Circus
http://chetday.com/blog