to Boost Your Self Confidence
feel anxious about mingling at a party wondering if anyone will talk to you or
if you will say anything engaging. You repeatedly check your appearance in the
mirror. Perhaps, you failed at something you worked on and feel inadequate. You
might even feel that you have been victimized and are not responsible for being
fired or divorced. All these symptoms share a common denominator: you are lacking
self-confidence. Ironically being told that you lack self-confidence does not
make you feel any better about yourself!
daily stressors gnaw at the root of self-esteem. Filling your thoughts with perceived
enemies and old conflicts drains your spirit and saps your creative joy. However,
no one can trivialize you, label you, or crush your convictions if you have a
fundamental sense of who you are; if you see yourself as a separate identity from
that of spouse, children and career.
I reinvented myself into a second career of stress-management, writing and radio
show hosting, some people tried to chip away at my creativity and confidence;
in fact, a close friend tried to destabilize my motivation: Who are you
to do this? Stick to gardening. At a prestigious medical center where I
was interviewed for a speaking engagement a social worker said, Youre
not important enough to address my group. I found this remark particularly
ironic as social workers generally tell everyone that he or she is important.
Did I waver? Well, perhaps a little bit, but I am passionate about what I do and
believe that the harder I work, the luckier I get. So, I shed the toxic friends,
learned from my mistakes, studied more, listened more and believed more. Then
one day I addressed an auditorium filled with a few hundred people. One woman
grabbed my hand as I entered the room from the back door making my way to the
podium. I will never forget her words: You look like someone important.
Are you todays speaker? I smiled, We are all important.
She nodded and said, I think Im going to enjoy todays program.
how do you generate confidence and keep it going? Although others can often take
it away, no one can hand it to you. It requires a leap of faith in yourself believing
that if you work hard, are persistent, and connect with positive people, you will
reap the rewards.
is how to take the first steps. The secret to getting ahead is getting started:
- Write down your
goals to objectify and specify them. Often, we dont really think until we
who you are by letting your inner self out! Dress the way you want and put on
less make-up. You dont need a cover-up. Wear what is comfortable and makes
you feel good.
your eyes and visualize the successful outcome. Believe that things will work
out. See yourself successfully completing. Rehearse the steps in your mind, so
that you become proficient. The less effort, the more proficient you will become.
away the bullies in your mind who provide the reasons why you cant, shouldnt
and will ultimately fail. Nothing is impossible to a willing mind.
friends who will serve as your coach to inspire you to victory. You need a nurturing
environment to grow. Imagine a sports team whose coach told them they were no
good and would lose. Ultimately the team would lose.
you fail, then assume responsibility. Learn from your mistakes and dont
blame anyone else because then you give away your power. Victims are helpless.
Dont let anger control you and defeat you.
dont have to excel at everything. Find the something you do well and build
on it. Let that something be your identifying success.
so strong inside that you do not have to demonstrate your power. It is a part
of you, readily observable in your stance with shoulders back, heart open and
Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness
for Body, Mind and Soul, a stress-reduction specialist, motivational speaker,
a personal trainer and mind/body lecturer at Southampton College. She is the host
of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WHLI 1100AM in New
York City, produces a weekly wellness newsletter, and has been featured on radio/TV
and print media. To learn more click
here to visit Debbie's site.
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