Explore Your Past:
Explore Your Past for Self Improvement
by Nicky Rogers
Who you are today, your personality and your values, depends on the past events which have shaped you. You can always find connections between a present thought or feeling and a past event, no matter how distant the link might seem. Explanations for present events can be found by going through some memories, and the technique below illustrates how to do that. By trying this you will be able to reinterpret yourself, by learning not to judge your actions, but rather accept and understand them.
Begin by finding a comfortable spot in your home. Have a piece of paper or notebook and a pen nearby. Try to relax your body and your mind and breath rhythmically through your nose. When you have achieved a state of increased self-awareness, go back in time and think of an unpleasant memory that has marked your entire life. It needn't be something dramatic -- in childhood, for example, even the most innocuous remark may have had a huge impact on your personality. Let's say that, as a child, you broke a glass ornament your mother loved. She might have said: "You just can't do anything right, can you?" Of course, that was just an anger driven reaction on her part but you, as a child, were deeply affected by it.
After selecting your past event try to briefly write it down and finish with a phrase that summarizes your experience (e.g. "You can't do anything right"). Make sure your breathing is still rhythmical and relaxed and then think about a minimum of three things that you can learn from the past experience. Do not get stuck on the final phrase, but try to analyze your action in a non-judgmental way. The main idea is to identify and assimilate the things on which you could have improved. Don't quickly dismiss your past problem by saying "It was a child's mistake." The goal here is to find out how any mistake can teach you to become better, as opposed to lowering your self-esteem and confidence.
When you have found a few positive remarks about the past experience, try to write them down. Don't force your mind to come up with the ideas; instead, try to let everything naturally flow. After you're done writing, read the statements a couple of times and remember their essence.
Put the paper aside and get back to connecting with your breathing. Take a minute to focus solely on your breathing and then recall the positive ideas you jotted down on the piece of paper. For example, in the case of the broken ornament, you could write, "I have to concentrate more on my actions." Repeat that thought in your mind and make certain it represents you completely. Do the same with all the other positive ideas you came up with. Believing in them and repeating them enables you to make them part of who you are.
This exercise is especially useful when you're aware that you are about to go through a similar experience. You may not be in danger of breaking another ornament, or smashing a window with a thrown baseball, but you might be in the situation where something a friend loves will be in your hands, in your responsibility. If you feel stressed, make sure you recall the positive aspects from your exercise. Repeat them in your mind before the event and your self-confidence will receive a well-deserved boost, allowing you to do your job free of any negative roots to the past.
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