Life After Birth:
Changes in Life after Giving Birth
by Leah Day
(Editor's note: Lifted from Leah's blog)
Hello! I am back! I have been away from this blog for quite some time now busy giving birth to my son, James Ender Day. The experience has been strange, frightening, thrilling, humbling, gratifying, and almost every other emotion in between.
In so many ways I feel as though my whole world has changed and the resultant alien feeling I have can be quite unsettling at times. Like missing a step going downstairs or the punched-in-your-gut feeling of a fast elevator ride it is as though the ground underneath my feet has fallen away and I feel that I am struggling to get back to some glimmer of normalcy.
I have been reading a book about Buddhism and how meditation can help in times like these. The book advises to stop struggling, to exist with that groundlessness and accept the nothingness into my brain with an open heart. In some ways this is unhelpful, but in others I feel comforted.
It's nice to know that it's okay to feel broken. It's okay to feel raw and alone and totally venerable. It's where I am right now and I am existing in that place. It's nothing more and nothing less that feeling totally alien, totally weird in my skin, my life, my home.
I have been reminiscing a lot about another life change I went through many years ago. Becoming a woman is not as painful, but the fear is definitely there. Suddenly our body is no longer the comfortable child shape it was for so long. Our hormones too bring forth the alien-like feeling that nothing is the same and everything is changing. Becoming a mother is the same experience but in a much more intense way.
So what do we do when faced with the unknown? What do we do when everything is different and it’s scary and bad and all you want to do is throw the covers over your head and wish it all away?
Unfortunately the covers trick doesn‘t work anymore. Really nothing works anymore. The most we can do is take it day by day. Experience each change, each difference and see it only for what it is, not what isn't.
Eventually, it may be weeks, or months, or years what once seemed weird and strange will be normal and where the ground once felt invisible, it is now back firmly underneath our feet.
Embrace change and we will grow together.
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