Valentines
Day is almost here and many of us are highly stressed by this compulsory, scripted
celebration of love. The script is quite daunting. If we dont have a significant
other, we are in a mad rush to find one for the occasion, like falling in love
in record time. If we do have a significant other, we are dropping hints all over
the place for a gift to brag to our friends. Look what he bought me! He
values me.
On
the one hand, you subtly or not so subtly demand a gift flowers, chocolates,
theatre tickets, lingerie or jewelry. When he gives you the gift, you know the
rules; you will reciprocate with intimacy, your gift to him. If he forgets or
doesnt get you anything special, except for what he has on hand, like his
office pens, then he will be sleeping on the couch. You will reason, Obviously,
he does not value me. The message for him is learn the rules: Tit for tat,
you give, I give, then you give and I give. Is this what you really want? Payment
for services rendered? Does a gift paid as a ransom demonstrate love?
The
basic problem lies with a faulty premise. Valentines Day is not about him
and the gifts he buys for you. The holiday is really all about you! What gifts
do you give yourself? Quiet time, relaxation and creativity? Many of you fall
in love with the false and therefore disappointing expectation, that you will
find your personal significance in a significant other. However, your significant
other is your deeper, truer identity. Dont get distracted. You are the love
object not him.
If
you
* Dont like yourself * Feel unattractive * Feel unhappy * Feel
depleted * Feel like you have no goals or direction,
no
mysterious, ideal lover will rescue you from yourself and hold up a mirror for
you to see a magical transformation. No gift will restore your vitality and happiness.
Heres what will: This Valentines Day start the journey inward to rediscover
the hidden girl. You know the part of you that has forgotten how to laugh, have
fun, play and not give a hoot as to what anyone else thinks. Now, Im not
telling you to release your inner child because you are no longer a child. You
are a woman. What Im urging you to do is to release the spirit of childhood
to have great adventures within the context of your life, where you are today.
Nothing
is as powerful as your imagination. It shapes your realities and can be more real
than reality. Use your imagination to liberate yourself from unrealistic expectations
and idealized versions that distort the female form and constrain your consciousness.
Challenge your traditional way of thinking to liberate your self-love this
is not being selfish, rather its a sign of personal growth and transformation.
If
you are in a relationship, keep cultivating your separate, distinct self because
it is incredibly exciting and sexy! We are all single, even if we are married
or living with someone. Embrace your uniqueness and if you dont know what
makes you unique, this is the perfect holiday to find out.
About
the Author Debbie
Mandel, MA is the author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind
and Soul, a stress-reduction specialist, motivational speaker, a personal
trainer and mind/body lecturer at Southampton College. She is the host of the
weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WHLI 1100AM in New York City ,
produces a weekly wellness newsletter, and has been featured on radio/ TV and
print media. To learn more visit
her site.
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